"Delirium"
Eating Oatmeal and Juice
You Blow Into The Door Like The Wind
I have been drinking in my heart
I ignore you completely
There are better things to do than wait for you
There is no lack there is no loss
To lose is the greatest and worst form of knowledge
To lose is the worst pain it is indeed the cruelest medicine
the medicine was invented to break the heart
that's all medicine does that's all it ever is or was
it's all we have to keep us alive
i lay awake at four in the morning and stare into the abyss
i feel so far away from my past
the future seems impossible to get to
i think i got lost somewhere in the present
the present is precious and sweet
you think that just being alive will never ever end
there is no thing you can do any more
there is only this feeling of absolute loss
the breaking heart breaks and breaks
you feel yourself becoming something you cannot understand
and never will never were never was
delirium defeats purpose and you fall away into dreams
you forget why you are here and what life is for
you lost sight of all meaning and give in to sleep
you sleep all day and wake up in the middle of the night
it is a dark night the cars are rising and falling like crashing waves
the stars are calling awake and bright and far away
you feel the night becomes you more than the day
as though the day might reveal your shame
your pain the pain that you are falling apart
the pain that noone loves you but the dreams you dream
and even if they did, there is no way of showing it
like they could reach in and pull you out of something you don't understand
like a terrible car wreck that crushes your car like a shell
and it closes in all around you and you just want to sleep
you just want to sleep
In JEsus' Name,
Amen